Best Day Of My Life
by Dutchie15
Summary: That it had all started that one day, that was plain to see. But love has never been simple, and with her it certainly wouldn't get any easier. CaRWash
1. What's Your Name?

**Title:** Best Day Of My Life (1/23)  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters that might strike you as familiar.  
**Summary:** That it had all started that one day, that was plain to see. But love has never been simple, and with her it certainly wouldn't get any easier. (CaRWash)  
**Chapter summary:** That one day, two strangers connect and one of them realizes that they'll never be able to break free again.  
**Spoilers:** Using what was mentioned in 304 Legal.  
**Song:** Jesse McCartney - What's Your Name?  
**A/N:** My newest multichap, inspired entirely on Jesse McCartney's both current (3rd one's coming up) albums. 

* * *

_What's your name? What's your name?  
Oh, I really wanna know  
You got me going crazy  
And I want you more and more  
Oh, hey this could be something real  
I gotta let you know the way I feel  
What's your name? What's your name?  
Oh, I really wanna know  
'Cause every time I get there  
but it's right before you go  
Oh, hey if only you could see  
I wanna get to know you  
and to get you knowing me_

* * *

He could still picture himself sitting in the front row for that forensic class. Evaluating Evidence by CSI C. Duquesne. He had his notebook open on his table, three different pens and a pencil aligned perfectly next to each other, his hands folded underneath his chin. He was waiting patiently yet eager for CSI C. Duquesne to enter the room and start the seminar he had been looking forward to all term. He was about to graduate from police academy, and although he was almost certain he wanted to be a CSI at some point, he really did need that one push over the edge. He had successfully finished his study chemistry but sitting in a lab all day doing tests was not what he wanted to spend his life doing. He loved doing tests, but he needed a change in his routine. He knew that if he would be put in a room, doing the same thing for a full day, for a full week, he'd go insane. It wasn't just the boredom that would get to him, but his mild case of OCD, as well. He needed variation during his day, or he would fall into a routine that he would not get out of by himself.

He stared into space, thinking about regular things like how he still needed to call his mother, and that he would go into town after the seminar, when CSI C. Duquesne entered the room. His eyes widened and his hands slipped away from underneath his chin. He heard gasps and whispers from the people behind him and chairs scraped over the floor as people leaned over to each other to talk or have better sight of the front of the room. With a shaking hand he grabbed a pen from his table and clicked it open, put the pen on the paper of his notebook and started writing. Single words in neat straight letters, each word followed by a curly question mark.

_Christa? Christine? Charlotte? Caroline? Clarissa? Caitlyn?_

"I see some of you are very eager to get started." Ryan looked up to see CSI C. Duquesne looking straight at him and smiling. He felt himself blushing and put his pen down, placing his hands on his table, one covering the other.

C. Duquesne was a woman. And a gorgeous one at that. She was wearing a pair of black jeans, fitting around her hips perfectly, and she was wearing a red halter top that looked absolutely stunning on her. Her hair was bond into a tight ponytail, which swayed playfully behind her head as she walked to the front of the class. And her voice…she clearly had an accent, southern would be his first guess, and it sounded harmonic and cheerful.

"I won't keep you in suspense any longer." Her attention shifted from him to the entire class and he almost felt disappointed. 

"I'm CSI Duquesne and I'm here today to tell you a little something about my job. When I was asked to do this I immediately agreed because I love my job and I love to tell people about it. Everyone should keep this under consideration when they choose a job. It is something you are going to be doing for a long period of time, and knowing what you want is the key to choosing the right path in your future. Now you've all had the right education, when I look at you all I see a group of intelligent young persons who are without a doubt smart enough to make it through the final exams you are about to take. But it's not all about brains at CSI."

"Hell no, clearly it's about beauty as well." Someone called from the back of the class.

C. Duquesne laughed, a warm, happy, almost hypnotizing laugh. "No, no, it's not quite about beauty either, but thank you."

Ryan shifted in his seat. He knew he had just gotten that last push he needed as she walked through the door. He wanted to be a CSI. He wanted to be a CSI at Miami Dade. God, please get him through the exams.

"…you'll need to learn how the machines in the lab work, because you will be spending a large amount of time there. You of course go out into the field, but the lab testing mostly takes up a lot more time than interrogation. Which brings me to that last point. Interrogating is a skill, like any other job. You have to be serious; you need to be able to bluff."  
"You need to have a huge cleavage." Someone on Ryan's left whispered. Ryan snickered but quickly composed as C. Duquesne continued.  
"Obviously I could tell you a lot more about being a CSI, but maybe it's more useful if you come up with some serious questions you have that haven't been answered yet. Anyone?"

A girl to Ryan's right lifted her hand. "Yes, you, in the green top." 

"Well, you're a female CSI. Is it harder for you than for men?"  
"Good question. I don't think it has to be. It depends on your attitude. People quickly learn not to try and go over my head. Our team is really close and they treat me like any other person. When you spend so much time together you become like family. Plus, next to being a female CSI, I am also Miami Dade's ballistics expert, so people know not to piss me off." She smiled.

Ballistics expert. Ryan knew she'd have to own a gun, working at CSI, but not only did she own a gun, she was ballistics expert. He was even more intrigued by her than he had already been. Another finger went up.

"Yes?"  
"Have you ever had to kill someone?"  
"Unfortunately I'd have to say yes. I have shot several suspects who were about to commit another murder or had a hostage. It happens, and you have to be prepared for it. You need to be able to pull the trigger in situations like those, even if you know you can kill someone by doing it."

Ryan gathered his courage and lifted his hand.

"Yes, you up front."  
"Is it a hard job to do? I mean emotionally?"  
"It definitely can be. There are situations with victims that are so battered up that you don't even recognize their faces, or murderers so violent that your own life could be at risk. Hard cases will have their impact on you, as well as possibly failing to find or bring a killer to justice. I promise you that there will be times where you want to quit. We have a department psychiatrist that's specialized in cases like these, but also there'll always be colleagues and friends around that you can talk to. You need to talk if things are bothering you in this job or you will crop it all up inside until one day it's enough."  
"And then what?" The boy on his left asked.  
"I have seen people quit their jobs because of it. Some were mentally so unstable that they failed to have a normal life after. But this sounds like being a CSI is a doom scenario. It's really not, if you know how to deal with it. Are there any other questions?"

Everyone in the room looked around but there were no more raised hands. "Good, because I believe we've gone over time. Thank you all for your attention, and who knows, maybe I'll see you in the future."

As on cue, everyone stood up and gathered their things. Ryan quickly smashed everything into his bag, but bit his lip and took everything out again. He did it again, this time slower and more organized. He had wanted to hurry, but his OCD wouldn't let him. When he looked up, his heart jumped seeing C. Duquesne just walk out of the room, a file case pressed against her chest. He swung his bag around his shoulder and hurried towards the door. He looked down the hallway but saw it was too late, she was gone. He hadn't been able to ask her the question he had really wanted to ask.

Sighing he accepted his failure and went into the city like he had planned, at his own pace. Once there, his first stop was the book store. He bought a book about forensic science, intent on knowing everything before he applied. With that in his bag, his next stop was Starbucks. His studying years had left him with a caffeine addiction. Coffee was easy to take somewhere, woke him up, and even tasted good too. He made his order at the desk, one coffee to-go, and turned around to leave the store again when he noticed her.

CSI C. Duquesne was sitting at a table at Starbucks, drinking a cup of coffee. He swallowed and considered walking over to her when he was knocked to the side by a very aggravated man. 

"Get out of the way, kid!"

He stumbled and fell against the wall, fighting to keep his foam cup up right. The last thing he needed right now was to spill coffee on himself, especially in front of her. He opened his mouth to call after the guy, but decided not to. He made a disapproving noise and shook his head at the man getting out of the store. 

"Are you alright?" 

He turned his head to see her standing next to him, her hand on his arm, pulling him upright. Her eyes were concerned, and a beautiful shade of dark green. He could look into them forever but broke eye contact, pulling his bag back over his shoulder, making her hand slip off his arm.

"Yeah I'm fine, thanks."  
"Some people huh?"  
"Yeah…"

She smiled at him and pointed in the direction of the table she had been sitting at. "I'm having a cup of coffee over there, wanna sit down and join me?"  
"Uh…uh…" 

_I can't. _Ryan thought. _I have things to study, books to read, essays to write. I simply don't have time. On the other hand…I'm here now anyway._

"Sure." They walked over to her table and Ryan sat down opposite of where her cup was placed. He took a sip of his own coffee and looked at the table. He didn't dare to look at her.  
"You seemed really interested at the seminar, earlier." She said.

His swallowed too quickly and coughed a couple of times, receiving another one of her concerned looks. 

_She remembered me._

"I was. I mean I am. I'm pretty sure I wanna be a CSI." He almost pushed the words over his lips.  
"Are you afraid you can't handle it emotionally?"  
"Sorry?" He raised an eyebrow in confusion.  
"Your question."  
"Oh, right, of course. Not really, I think I can deal with it, but I just wanted to ask, to know what I can expect."  
"You see the worst of people, that's for sure. Lies, betrayal, violence, threats…"  
"Have you ever been threatened?" 

She stirred with her spoon in her coffee and a sad look overtook her face. Ryan immediately regretted asking.

"Lots of times. It's just something that comes with the job. Not very pretty, but I learned to deal with it."  
"Your life has been in danger, hasn't it?"

She looked up at him. "How did you guess?"  
"Your sad look when I asked about the threats. It bet it doesn't always stay with threats."  
"I have been held at gun point at times. Luckily it doesn't happen much."  
"And…if they point a gun at you, are you really afraid you're gonna die, or do you think that it's going to work out?"  
"There's always the fear. It doesn't go away, even if you're particularly sure that they won't really shoot you. We often wear vests in dangerous cases."  
"Have you ever gotten hurt?"  
"A couple of times, and I know I will get hurt more in the future."

Ryan swallowed. Not because he was scared for himself, but for her. The thought of her being hurt scared him. She had worn a happy enthusiastic façade as she gave her talk, but now they were talking in private he could see a little preview of the scars the job had given her.

"But you're not planning to, you know, do something less dangerous?"  
"Not with a single cell in my mind. I love this job, and the satisfaction you get from locking a killer away is overwhelming. The threats and the shootings are the downsides, but I am positive that this is what I want to do. You needn't worry about things like shootings and getting hurt. If you really do join CSI, it will happen. I cannot make it prettier than it is, but I can assure you that everyone on your team is going to be really friendly and protective. Because that's what CSIs are to each other. Like I said, it's one big family. Speaking of which…"

She looked at her watch and began to stand up. "…I really should get back. I told them I'd have lunch immediately after the seminar, but there's still a lot of work for me to do."  
"Okay. I don't wanna keep you here."  
"Oh, you didn't. I'm glad to see someone with a real interest in my job. I hope I didn't scare you off with my talks about threats and getting hurt."  
"No, no, not at all."  
"Alright then. I have to go, but I hope I will see you again."  
"Me too. Can I…can I ask you one last question?"  
"Is it a quick one?"  
"Yes."  
"Go ahead."  
"You never…uhm, you didn't really tell us…What's your name?"

The corners of her mouth crept up into a sweet smile. "Calleigh. Calleigh Duquesne."

_Screw Christa, Christine, Charlotte, Caroline, Clarissa and Caitlyn. They don't hold a thing against her name. Calleigh is perfect._

"I'm Ryan Wolfe."  
"I'll try to remember that. Nice meeting you Ryan."  
"Same here, Calleigh."

He watched her pick up her case file again and step away from their table. She winked at him and then walked out the door, his eyes still glued to the direction she had just walked away in. 

* * *

**A/N: **_That concludes chapter one. So, what do you think? Worth continuing? (I hope so, 'cause I'm currently working on chapter 7!) Please review:)_


	2. That Was Then

**Title:** Best Day Of My Life (2/23)  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters that might strike you as familiar.  
**Summary:** That it had all started that one day, that was plain to see. But love has never been simple, and with her it certainly wouldn't get any easier. (CaRWash)  
**Chapter summary:** The best way to realize what a person means to you is either almost losing them, or having them save your life.  
**Spoilers:** None.  
**Song:** Jesse McCartney - That Was Then  
**A/N:** My newest multichap, inspired entirely on Jesse McCartney's both current (3rd one's coming up) albums.  
         This chapter takes place 5 years after the first, putting it after season 6 on the show.

* * *

_Guess you never really know just what you've got  
'Till you finally realize she could be gone  
I know that I've been taking you for granted  
For the longest time  
All you wanted was someone who really cares  
And I didn't even notice you were there  
I promise that I'll never ever make that same mistake  
Not twice_

* * *

 _5 years later…_

Calleigh Duquesne was one of little women who did not mind standing ankle-high in muddy, grassy soil. It was not her favorite way to spend her time, but now she actually was standing ankle-high in muddy, grassy soil, she was finding that she quite enjoyed it. At least it was calm and quiet here, instead of the usual Miami chaos. She had been teamed up with Ryan to find the murder weapon in their latest case. Unfortunately their victim had been killed in the everglades, and finding anything at all there was quite a hard task. In fact, even walking there at all was a hard task.

"Give me a hand, would you Ryan?" Calleigh called.

Ryan turned back and offered her his hand, which she thankfully took to pull herself out of the latest mud pit she'd stepped in.

"Got it?" Ryan asked, grabbing her other hand and giving a gentle pull. She stumbled forwards and he kept her up straight. She let go of his hands and tightened her ponytail.  
"Yeah I'm good, thanks. This is definitely not a place I'd want to be walking on my own."  
"I'll slow down my pace, I'm sorry."  
"It's alright. I'm keeping up." She smiled at him as they started walking again.

They had gotten clear instructions before they were allowed to leave. Stay together at all times. No splitting up. Keep the walky-talky with you at all times. Immediately call if something even seems to be off.

"Stay clear of the water Cal, I see alligators."  
"I thought you knew how to handle them? You've wrestled one before." Calleigh teased.  
"Very funny. I am not going to explain to Horatio how you were eaten by an alligator." He paused. "Nor would I ever want to experience it."  
"Neither would I. I'll be fine. I'm not **that** close to the water."

They felt like they had been walking for hours, perhaps they even had been. Suddenly Calleigh stopped and grabbed Ryan's arm, making him stop too.

She pointed into the grass. "There, right there. Could that be our knife?"

Ryan squinted his eyes, feeling her hand still on his arm. "Could be, yeah."

Calleigh took a pair of latex gloves out of her pocket and put them on. She kneeled down and extended her hand to the shiny object she had spotted only seconds before.

The next couple of things happened in the blink of an eye.

Something moved in the high grass Calleigh was reaching into. She pulled her hand back quickly with a pained expression on her face and a shocked shriek. Ryan's eyes widened as he saw a snake hissing and gaping at Calleigh. It was grey with brownish crossbands and had dark brown post ocular stripes bordered by narrow light lines, as well as a pair of dark vertical stripes at the tip of the snout.

On his instinct he grabbed Calleigh around the waist and pulled her backwards. Pulling her to her feet he led her towards a nearby open field. She was unable to speak a word, the shock still evident on her face as she held her one hand with the other. Ryan made her sit down and kneeled in front of her. He gently took the hand she was holding and pulled the glove off of it. He swallowed as two distinctive red puncture marks could be seen on the back of her hand. She looked up at him, her lips slightly parted and the sparkles in her eyes fading.

"Agkistrodon piscivorus conanti." Ryan whispered.  
"More commonly known as Florida cottonmouth." Calleigh whispered in reply, biting her lip as a look of pain crossed her face.  
"I'm so sorry" Ryan said.  
"Why?"  
"I should've spotted that. I used to be a boys scout, I could spot snakes from a mile distance."  
"Stop it Ryan. This is not your fault. You'd better call Horatio and get help. It's venomous."  
"I know, I will. Just…" He put his hand on her wrist and pushed her arm down onto her lap. "…keep your hand below the level of your heart. It minimizes the blood flow back to your heart and other organs. Keep as still as possible."

Calleigh nodded as Ryan grabbed the walky-talky from his belt and put it on the channel connecting him with Horatio. "Horatio?" They heard a creaking noise but no voice. Just when they were afraid something had gone wrong with their connection, his answer finally came.

"You rang, Mister Wolfe?"  
"Horatio, thank God. We have a problem. Calleigh's been bitten by a cottonmouth."  
"The snake?" Horatio asked, obviously worried.  
"Yes, a snake. We thought we saw the knife but the grass was too high to see anything except a shine."  
"And she reached for it."  
"With gloves on, but the bite went right through." Ryan confirmed.  
"What's her status?"  
"Alive, conscious and wishing she could chop her hand off." Calleigh said.  
"Let's not do that, ma'am. I will make sure the hospital sends over a helicopter ASAP. Do you think you can get her to the open road, Wolfe?"  
"We've gone quite far into the glades, but I can try to go that way."  
"Do so. Calleigh, are you wearing your ring?"  
"I am."  
"Take it off. Your hand is going to swell and you do not want to cut off the blood stream."

Calleigh sighed and immediately pulled her ring off her finger, stuffing it into her pocket. Noticing her other hand was still gloved she wanted to remove it, but it didn't go well with her injured hand. Ryan used his hand that was not on the walky-talky to pull it off. She gave him a grateful look which he returned with a smile.

"I will be checking on you every fifteen minutes. If something happens or she loses consciousness, I want you to call me immediately, you get that Wolfe?" Horatio said.  
"I do H."  
"I trust you to stay with her."  
"I wouldn't dream of leaving her." Ryan said firmly. Calleigh looked at him and knew he meant it. Reversed, she wouldn't even think about leaving him if he had been injured. They stood by each other and supported each other and helped each other. She winced as another shock of pain went through her hand. She hadn't noticed that Ryan had put the walky-talky back on his belt, but she did notice him putting her good arm around his shoulder and pulling her up.

They started to walk back in the direction they had come from and Calleigh spoke up:

"Shouldn't we get the knife? Or at least mark where it is?"  
"You think I'm gonna stick my hand near that snake now?" Ryan joked. "No. I have an estimated guess of the location, and the most important thing right now is getting you to a hospital, not getting the knife."  
"Ryan?"  
"Yes?"  
"Thank you."

They walked into the direction of where they'd come from, but Calleigh was quickly getting worse. She was sweating more than normal, even for such a walk, and she looked pale. She was weak and walking didn't go easy on her at all. Ryan was supporting her the best he could, letting her lean on him for the most part, and he was going slowly. He knew she should actually be keeping still, but they had to get to the hospital one way or another.

"Stop." Calleigh's voice sounded weak, but he heard her and stopped walking, turning to her. He was taken aback when he saw how she looked. Her knees gave up on her and she collapsed to the ground, with Ryan quickly crouching too.  
"Calleigh!"  
"I think I'm gonna be sick."

As she suspected, she heaved only seconds after and started throwing up. Ryan sighed and pulled her disheveled ponytail loose, pulling her hair back and holding it behind her. Calleigh wiped her mouth with her uninjured hand and leaned sideways against Ryan.

"I don't think I can walk any more."  
"It's alright. It was a stupid idea anyway. You should be moving as less as possible and I'm making you walk."  
"You're getting me to the hospital. You're doing the right thing Ryan. I just feel so sick…"

Ryan brushed a strain of hair off her sweaty forehead and placed his hand on it. "You're burning up. God you're burning up."  
"Maybe you should leave me here and get help. You can direct them towards me."

He moved his hand from her forehead to her cheek, stroking it softly.

"Didn't you hear what I said before? I would never ever leave you alone. Come on, we're getting to that road even if it's the last thing I do."  
"Ryan, I want to, I really want to, but I just can't take another step."  
"No problem."

Ryan put one arm under her kneecaps and one around her shoulders and lifted her effortlessly. She put her good arm around his neck and placed her bitten hand on her stomach.

"I can't believe you're doing this."  
"I can't believe you'd think I wouldn't."

And he walked, with her in his arms. She was silent, except for a gasp every now and then. Her hand had swollen and she looked at it with disgust. Ryan noticed.

"It'll go back to normal Cal."  
She let out a sarcastic laugh. "I bet it will. If I get help, that is."  
"And what, pray tell, do you think it is that I'm doing?"  
"Oh, Ryan, no, that's not what I meant. I'm really thankful for you being here. I'm just really frustrated with myself."

Her eyes started tearing up and a few lonely tears slid down her cheeks, one of them dying on Ryan's arm. He would've wiped them away but both of his hands were occupied by holding her. She hid her face in his shoulder and he felt his shirt getting wet. He rested his head against hers and tried to calm her with comforting words.

"Shh…you're going to be alright. I promise."

The walky-talky on his belt started making noise and he lowered Calleigh onto the ground, but allowing her to keep leaning against him, which she did.

"Wolfe."  
"Horatio. It's only been fifteen minutes?"  
"It has."  
"You're kidding. I feel like we're two hours further than when I first called you."  
"Fifteen minutes Mister Wolfe. How is Calleigh holding up?"  
"Uh…a little less than before. She threw up and her temperature is rising."  
"Is she moving too much?"  
"I don't think so, not anymore. I'm carrying her now."

The other side of the line stayed quiet for a few seconds.

"You're carrying her?"  
"Yes, is that a wrong thing to do?"  
"I think…that's a very noble thing to do. A Miami County Hospital helicopter should be reaching the road within minutes."  
"I think I actually see it in the distance, but I have no clue how far away from the road I am."  
"You'll find out. Calleigh?"

Calleigh lifted her head from Ryan's chest and took a deep breath before answering. She could not prevent her voice from sounding shaky though.

"Present, Lieutenant."  
"I'm glad to hear you still have the ability to joke with me."  
"Always, Horatio."  
"How are you feeling?"  
"Not so good. I can't believe it's only been fifteen minutes either. I feel like I'm about to drop dead."  
"I assure you we're not letting it get that far. You stick to Ryan and hang in there."  
"Will do."

Their conversation was closed off and Calleigh noticed Ryan was staring at the walky-talky.

"What is it?"  
"He called me Ryan."  
"You must've made a real impression on him." Calleigh smiled as Ryan lifted her again and started walking once more. They saw the helicopter land in the distance. Calleigh looked at Ryan. He kept looking on but couldn't help but look back at her after a little.

"What is it?" He asked.  
"You saved my life." She said. It wasn't sure, they hadn't reached the helicopter yet, nor the hospital, they didn't know if they would have all the necessary equipments, or the antidote, but she was certain, it was safe to say he saved her life.  
He smiled at her. "You owe me."  
"I definitely do."

They reached the helicopter and Ryan carefully put Calleigh down on a gurney which the paramedics loaded into the helicopter. "I'm riding." He said.  
"As long as you don't get in the way." A female paramedic said.  
"You can tell me exactly where to stand, but I am riding."

Once they were in the air, Calleigh was given something against the pain in holdout for the real antidote, and Ryan called Horatio to inform him they were on their way to the hospital. During the call he'd noticed there was something around his wrist, and realized it was the hair band he'd pulled from Calleigh's hair earlier. He took it in his hand and played with it as the paramedics worked quickly. He looked at Calleigh, who was lying with her eyes closed, and prayed to God that what he had done hadn't affected her badly in any way. He reached out with his hand, ran his fingers across her temple and through her hair. She opened her eyes and smiled weakly. She mouthed 'Thank you' before closing her eyes again, the smile remaining on her face.  


* * *

**A/N:** _I hope this chapter put a smile on your faces too (don't worry, the snake won't be a regular in this fic). Please let me know what you think, what I can improve, or really just if you're ready for chapter three._


	3. Because You Live

**Title:** Best Day Of My Life (3/23)  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters that might strike you as familiar.  
**Summary:** That it had all started that one day, that was plain to see. But love has never been simple, and with her it certainly wouldn't get any easier. (CaRWash)  
**Chapter summary:** Even though she was the one that survived, he hadn't ever felt so alive before.  
**Spoilers:** None.  
**Song:** Jesse McCartney - Because You Live  
**A/N:** My newest multichap, inspired entirely on Jesse McCartney's both current (3rd one's coming up) albums.  
The song used in this chapter must be like, my ultimate CaRWash song. Or well, it's close. I suggest you look it up on YouTube if you don't know it.

* * *

_Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart  
It's the end of the world in my mind  
Then your voice pulls me back like a wake up call  
I've been looking for the answer  
Somewhere  
I couldn't see that it was right there  
But now I know what I didn't know  
Because you live and breathe  
Because you make me believe __in myself when nobody else can help  
Because you live, girl  
My world has twice as many stars in the sky_

* * *

Ryan stood in Calleigh's hospital room. She was sound asleep behind him, he had watched her chest move up and down for a while, but now turned to look out the window. He couldn't believe she was alive. He had carried her through half the Everglades, let her cry on his shoulder, and held her hand -her good hand- as the doctor gave her the serum to fight the poison the snake had inflicted in her. Now she had fallen asleep peacefully and it was only then he felt like he could breathe again. Yet he hadn't left her side. Horatio had told him not to return to work again today, and that he deserved his rest too. Ryan felt like he had earned more of Horatio's respect by putting Calleigh's safety so high on his priority list, and he couldn't say he minded.

Outside sundown was starting to set in, and rain was clouding the view through the window. Raindrops leaked down like tears had down Calleigh's cheeks before, onto his arm. He sighed. Somewhere he felt like it should have been him, that he should've been bitten. But on the other hand he knew that she would never have been able to get him towards the road, slimming his chances on survival. No, the way it happened was the right way. Of course, it would've been better if it hadn't happened at all, but she was safe, and that was all that mattered to him.

When she just got bitten, he had worked on instinct, get her away from the snake before it strikes again, yet checking what kind of snake it was. He didn't even think about that, he just did it. Then the rest of his actions had been carefully thought through, and even though he was still afraid that making her walk had harmed her, the doctor had assured her she was going to be alright, the antidote had been given in time. He placed his hand on the window, not happy with the rain. He would have to walk home, since his Hummer was still standing on that road in the Everglades, and his own car was in the parking lot in front of the lab. He wasn't thinking about leaving yet, though. Because of the rain, and because he wanted to be one-hundred percent sure that Calleigh would be okay. Doctors could tell him all they wanted, he wouldn't be reassured until Calleigh herself told him she was feeling good.

He couldn't quite put his finger on the feeling he was having. He was happy, really happy that he had gotten Calleigh to the helicopter. He would've died inside too, if she hadn't made it today. He imagined her dying in his arms and shuddered. No, she couldn't ever die. He could never let that happen. Not when he was there. But why, why was he so protective of her? She was older and more experienced than he was, surely she could protect herself. Maybe not from a snake, but otherwise she could. Would he still be standing in this room if Eric was behind him in the bed? Natalia? If he was totally honest, he'd have to say that with Eric he probably wouldn't have gotten on the helicopter in the first place, and with Natalia he would've let someone drive him home, instead of staying in the hospital. But things weren't the same with Eric or Natalia as they were with Calleigh.

Calleigh was his best friend, his older sister, his private psychiatrist, his listening ear. When he got hired on the spot by Horatio he had been so happy, until he found out that his first case would include figuring out whether Calleigh's father had murdered someone or not. She didn't recognize him, and while it hurt him, he understood. But he had, in fact, recognized her. And thinking of putting her father in jail made him sick to his stomach. He'd felt like dancing through the room when he proved her father innocent. An alcoholic, dense, but innocent. And then he got to work with her. He was a CSI, and he was working with her. She might not have remembered him, but he remembered her, and he remembered thanking God on his bare knees that night.

"Thank you for saving her." He said softly as he stared into the ever darkening night sky.

Out of his sight, behind him, Calleigh was lying with her eyes closed, chest going up and down steadily, and pretending very well to be asleep. She had been, until a couple of minutes ago. Her body was still slightly worn down and she lay quietly, thinking that even though her pain medication might still be working, she was feeling a whole lot better than before. And she knew who to thank for that. Not the doctors, who had indeed given her the antidote, not the helicopter paramedics, who gave her something for the pain, but Ryan, who had saved her. There was nothing else she could think of it. He just saved her.

And as she heard him say those words out loud, she knew he was just as appreciative for that as she was. It must have been scary for him. Your colleague, your partner, suddenly bitten by a snake and quickly getting worse, weak, and unable to help herself. She hated to feel dependant, but in Ryan's arms she hadn't. She had felt…she didn't know how it had felt. Good. Definitely good. Not vulnerable either. She couldn't place her finger on it. All she knew is that she hadn't minded feeling like that, even if she wasn't as happy with the cause of those feelings: the snakebite.

_"Thank you for saving her."_

Her eyes fluttered open. "Why are you thanking Him for that? You're the one that rescued me."

Ryan turned around and a smile appeared on his face. He walked over to her bed and slowly sat down on the edge of it.

"It wasn't all me. You hung in there, helping me a lot."  
"You made me hang on."  
"Let's just say we did it together."  
"Deal."

Calleigh extended her hand and Ryan took it. Shaking hands they silently agreed not to mention it anymore. Calleigh lay her hand down and when Ryan wanted to pull his hand back, she held on. He reached out with his other hand instead, and felt her forehead.

"Much better."  
"I feel much better."  
"I'm glad."  
"Yeah, definitely."

They fell into a comfortable silence for a while. Ryan was looking at the sheets, deep in thought. Calleigh was looking at him, and while he probably felt or knew that, he wasn't looking up or making any comment about it.

"Wanna talk about it?" He suddenly asked.  
"What do you mean?"  
"You got bitten by a snake. Do you want to tell me about it?"  
"You were there!" Calleigh said, confused.  
"I know that. I meant how you feel." He looked up into her eyes. "Surely it must've made an impact on you."  
"I feel blessed to have had someone with me, to help me. Furthermore I'm fine."  
"Not scared?"  
"I grew up in Louisiana. If I had to name all the snakes that live there, we'd still be sitting here tomorrow."  
"But you've never been bitten. You didn't react like you had."  
"I was fortunate. I can't even remember the amount of times I heard a rattle somewhere in the field we played. I saw a boy get bitten once, and I ran. I was such a coward."  
"Was that why you cried?"  
"No. I cried because I felt stupid for letting myself get bitten."  
"Well it's not like you wanted to, or dared the snake."  
"I know that. I just…it felt wrong to put such a heavy task on you."  
"If there's one thing you're not, it's heavy." He joked.

He gave a gentle tug on her hand and she sat up, wrapping her arms around his neck. He put his hands on her upper back and held her close. They allowed themselves a moment of comfort, a moment of relief, a moment of unconditional and inconsequent intimacy.

Calleigh was kept in the hospital overnight for observation, and was discharged the next morning. She walked out of her room to see Ryan leaning casually against the wall just around her door. She shook her head, smiling.

"I should've known."  
"Well, your car is at work, and taxis are so expensive these days." Ryan grinned, uncrossing his arms and pushing himself away from the wall.  
"Not when you have a personal taxi, like I obviously do." Calleigh smiled and started walking down the hall, with Ryan following her.  
"I'll drive you home and then take the speedway to the lab."  
"Drive me home? I'm going to work."  
"What, you're not gonna take up a couple off days?" Ryan asked bewildered.  
"No. Ballistics files will pile up if I do, and there's nothing wrong with me. I'm going to work. Did anyone go back to recover that knife?"  
"Delko did, with a friend. A snake expert, for safety. Are you sure you want to go back to work already?"  
"Clever."

Ryan sighed, fully aware of the fact that she'd ignored his question. He decided to drop the topic. If she didn't want to take a day off, he wasn't going to force her to. He knew she was fully able to take care of herself and make her own decisions. He was merely worried about her. After the observation night he knew she was okay physically, but he just couldn't believe that an event like yesterdays didn't leave any mental scars on her.

They got out of the hospital and Calleigh stood still, her hair waving in the morning breeze. The last bit of color seeped back into her face, and the sparkles in her eyes were re-lightened. It was like standing outside, feeling the real world again, made her believe that she was okay again, that she was still alive. She didn't smile, but she wrapped her arms around herself and she looked peaceful. The horn of a car pulled her out of her daydream rather harshly. She thought it was Ryan and turned her head, but he was standing off the side, watching her with his hands in his pockets. It had just been a passer-by honking.

"Let's go." She said, and then walked towards his car. "I thought it was at work?"  
"It was. I walked to it yesterday when I left the hospital. Easier for today."

Calleigh nodded and took a last deep breathe before opening the passenger's side door and getting in. Ryan got in on the driver's side and started the car. They drove to the lab in silence, but it was comfortable silence. A silence that didn't come across as awkward and unwanted, just one of those silences that made you feel safe, and calm.

Ryan parked the car away from the lab, knowing that it would most likely be full in front of the MDPD building. He got a glimpse of Calleigh's hand as she reached out to open the door, but he couldn't be sure… He grabbed her wrist and softly pulled it towards him, turning her hand so he could see. And he had been right. The two red punctuation marks were still visible on her hand. He ran his thumb over them and looked up into her eyes.

He leaned in, only an inch, barely noticeable, but she saw. Her lips trembled and she parted them slightly, leaning an inch towards him as well. Ryan pulled her hand a little to make her body turn towards him and leaned in a couple more inches himself. Her turn again, Calleigh bent forward, their faces only separated by the last few bricks of the invisible wall they had built up around them the past years. Ryan felt her breath on his lips, once, twice, thrice…

And then their lips were touching. Calleigh lifted her arms and wrapped them around his neck, making Ryan's hand slid up her arm until he placed his hands on her back and pulled her closer. Lips now covering each other they kissed. They were kissing.

Calleigh had always thought that, because of his age, Ryan would kiss a little inexperienced, a little clumsy. But it was quite the opposite. He kissed like a pro. It was gentle, yet passionate…it was magnificent. They pulled away and gasped for breath and immediately their lips crashed together again. Mouths opened and tongues came out to play, a moan escaped one of them and it fueled their desire more. Ryan moved one hand to cup her cheek and she tightened her arms around his neck.

And they both knew that during the time they had known each other, from the day she had given the seminar until yesterday, the day where he had saved her life, even until the moment they had hugged in her hospital room, none of them would have thought, or even dreamed, that they would be kissing in his car one day.

* * *

**A/N:**_ This will have to satisfy your needs for a while, the next chapter won't be posted until I write a new chapter, so that I never have to let you guys wait for a new chapter for a month. I promise I'll do my best to write fast. In the meantime, what did you think of this twist?_


	4. Just Go

**Title:** Best Day Of My Life (4/23)  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters that might strike you as familiar.  
**Summary:** That it had all started that one day, that was plain to see. But love has never been simple, and with her it certainly wouldn't get any easier. (CaRWash)  
**Chapter summary:** Pushing people away was the only solution she knew to her doubts.  
**Spoilers:** None.  
**Song:** Jesse McCartney - Just Go  
**A/N:** My newest multichap, inspired entirely on Jesse McCartney's both current (3rd one's coming up) albums.  


* * *

_Taking a look at these photographs  
Fighting my tears I try to relax  
'Cause you came  
and you left  
and it all went by so fast  
Just go  
I gave you my word  
and I promised to love you_

* * *

He felt like the entire world had been turned upside down, but he wasn't falling off. Although he didn't think he could remember his own name at the time, a lot of things were running through his mind.

Firstly, her lips. They were so soft, and they tasted sweet, somewhat like raspberry. He smiled inwardly, thinking it was just like her to wear lipstick with a fruity taste. He'd always been slightly fascinated by her lips, couldn't help sometimes but look at them as she spoke, as they curled up into that sweet smile he loved. Of course he'd wondered what they tasted like, and he had to say he was pleasantly surprised. He'd never be able to look at a raspberry the same way again. She could work miracles with her lips, he had to admit. He'd expected it though. Never thought he'd ever be proven right, but he'd expected it.

The familiarity of her body in his arms stroke him as odd. Apart from when he'd carried her through the glades the day before, he'd never really held her, let alone intimately, but it felt so natural, so right. Before this, their only physical contact had been a touch of their fingers as they passed on evidence, a comforting hand on a shoulder after a tough shift. Never in _this_ way. But it felt like they'd been doing it forever.

They pulled back slowly and Ryan could only stop himself from leaning back in again by looking at her. Her eyes were still closed and her lips were moist. Her hair was hanging loosely over her shoulders, the way he liked it most. He ran his fingers through her golden locks. His heart soared, she was so beautiful. Her eyes opened, the emerald green sparkling, but looking sad.

"Cal…"

She placed a finger on his lips. His eyes widened in surprise.

"Please, let's not make over-hasted decisions. Things have changed, I know, I can't deny that. But let's think about it, rationally, before we start throwing words around."

Her finger was slowly retreated and a feeling of confusion overwhelmed him. He didn't understand whether she was blowing him off or telling him she needed more time. He did understand that she was afraid to get hurt again, she didn't want him to make her promises he couldn't live up to. Before he could react in any way, she had gotten out of his car, walking towards the lab.

She met up with Eric on the stairway and they hugged, giving Eric the chance to tell her how happy he was that she was okay, too. Ryan prepared himself for the jealous shock that was about to overcome him, like it did whenever Eric would touch her or talk to her too intimately. But it didn't come. He didn't feel any jealousy, no hatred towards Eric for hugging Calleigh. And he knew why.

He opened the driver's side door and walked, long after Eric and Calleigh had entered the lab, across the parking lot, across the street, onto the steps and into the lab. Horatio passed by him but didn't speak. Ryan knew his assignment for today. Continue the case. The knife had been collected, not by Calleigh, but by Eric, and he knew Eric would see it as his personal task to observe it, and run all the necessary tests on it. Ryan was never going to get his hands on it.

But there was more to do, they had other evidence. And so Ryan retreated himself into the evidence locker, spending his morning hanging up crime scene photos, reading autopsy reports, spreading out clothing on the table and examining it closely with a magnifying glass. Tweezers picked up fibres, swabs collected stains and Ryan's mind was occupied with the taste of her lips. Raspberry.

When it was time for lunch he realized that he had done way too little for the amount of time he'd spend in the room. Disappointed in himself, he locked the door and left, walking outside. The gentle breeze allowed him to think lucidly.

_"Please, let's not make over hasted decisions. Things have changed, I know, I can't deny that. But let's think about it, rationally, before we start throwing words around."_

Throw words around. What did she mean? What was he going to say before she stopped him, her finger firmly on his lips, forbidding him to speak his mind? I love you. He was going to say I love you and she knew, she'd seen it coming. Yet she stopped him. Why? Didn't she want to be loved? Throw words around…

And then he knew. She didn't want him to say those words; because she was afraid he didn't mean them. Afraid that she might believe in them and end up broken, and alone. She didn't think badly of him, she didn't think that he'd ever hurt her, but even though her heart screamed yes, her mind told her no. And Calleigh never let her heart win. Because the few times that she had, she had gotten hurt.

Calleigh sighed and crossed her arms as she stood watching Ryan from a window on the third floor. She didn't know how to feel. When Ryan had grabbed her hand she had in some way felt driven into a corner, but it wasn't fair to say that he forced himself on her. She had leaned in too, she had held him too. She had kissed him back. She leaned her head against the cold glass. How does someone make a decision that could hurt you no matter which of the options you chose?

Her lips trembling, Calleigh stood watching him until he walked back inside, totally oblivious to the observation he had undergone while consuming his lunch. Calleigh pulled back from the window and turned around; resuming the administrative work she'd been working on all morning.

All day they were separated, all day they avoided each other. Not consciously, but they somehow managed to leave a lab before the other would enter, and never were they paged for lab results at the same time. It was a blessing, since this way they had time to think, and they didn't have to have an awkward forced conversation they weren't ready for. But of course, the inevitable would never let the day end in such bliss for them. They clocked out shortly after each other and through that found each other in the locker room, collecting their things.

Calleigh had already been inside when Ryan entered. He licked his lips uncomfortably and walked to his locker, a couple of doors to the right of hers. He opened it, the door forming a barrier between him and her. He took a deep breath.

"I didn't see you anymore today."  
"No…I was in ballistics most of the time. Just getting rid of the things I procrastinated, you know?"

He knew. That she was lying. Calleigh didn't procrastinate, ever.

"Hm hmm." He closed his locker, immediately feeling the barrier disappear, her emotions being transferred to him through the thin air. She was leaning sideward against her locker, her purse around her shoulder, ready to go, but she was looking at him.

"Cal, listen…we should talk."  
"I know. I'm just really tired right now, so today isn't a good time. The venom was in my system long enough to have some effect on me. Don't worry, I'm okay," she said after seeing his face grow concerned, "just worn out."  
"Do you need me to drive you home?"  
"No, I'll be alright. I promise."

Ryan stepped towards her, somewhat expecting her to flinch. But she didn't. She remained standing in her place, no matter how much he closed in. She looked at him, and suddenly tiptoed.

She'd pulled back before he could wrap his arms around her, and he could only kiss her back as their lips were already separating. It was a short, gentle kiss and he assumed that it was her way of showing that she was thinking about it, and that, if anything, she at least didn't regret their earlier actions.

Again she was gone before his brain had registered what happened. He turned around and saw the door close, her blond hair swinging through the hallway. He sighed, waited a minute, and then walked out the same door, his heart racing a mile a minute.

He was unaware of the figure standing behind him. Alexx's eyes turned back to their normal size. She blinked slowly, trying to place what she had just witnessed. Calleigh kissing anyone at work was one reason to doubt your mind, but Calleigh kissing Ryan at work was as good as impossible. She knew she wasn't the youngest anymore, but Alexx was sure that what she had just seen was real. And she knew that if this would be continuing, both parties would need an outlet, and she was going to offer to be it.

From the beginning she had noticed Ryan's lovesick puppy looks in Calleigh's direction, and in time she'd seen her smile grow when she was around him, their subtle touches and their hidden glances, their simultaneous grins and their loose appearance around each other. Alexx knew that when in doubt, Ryan turned to Calleigh, and in melancholy, Calleigh turned to Ryan. They held each other upright in their world of death and sorrow. But no one, including Alexx, would have ever thought that they might give into their true feelings.

And she had to admit that she was somewhat worried about her colleagues, her friends. She wanted both of them to be happy more than anything, but she was afraid that neither of them could coherently understand the consequences of their action. They did, after all, work together, and dating a co-worker was strictly against policy. She knew that if they wanted to, they'd be perfectly capable of being discrete about whatever it was they had, but a spontaneous thing as she just witnessed should never happen again. The chance of someone walking in and reporting them was too big.

And if that moved Stetler to break up their team, Alexx knew that neither Ryan nor Calleigh would ever forgive themselves for that.

She made her way back down to the morgue. She'd passed the locker room on her way back from explaining results to Horatio, and was glad now that he hadn't followed her. One of her coroner's assistants was just loading a body into the funeral home's van. Another one leaving her office to find eternal rest.

Calleigh parked her car in front of her home and got out, getting into her apartment as quickly as she could. When she was inside, she threw everything aside, didn't bother to pay attention to the blinking light on her answering machine, she just walked straight into her bedroom, lay down on her bed, and grabbed the photo frame off of her nightstand.

It was a picture of her and Ryan, both crouched down to the ground, him holding a piece of evidence, her holding her flashlight, and smiling to each other sweetly. They'd been investigating a case in a photo studio, and one of the students had shot the picture at the exact right moment. When they closed the case, she had offered the picture to Calleigh. She didn't think Ryan had ever seen it. It had been on her nightstand ever since, just because it made her smile in the mornings and sleep peacefully in the nights.

She stared at it, lying on her bed, as thousands of things shot through her mind. The goods, the bads, the rights, the wrongs. The next morning she would find herself waking up, her clothes shriveled and a crack in the glass covering her memory of Ryan.

* * *

**A/N:** _This isn't over in the slightest! Let me know what you think!_


	5. Take Your Sweet Time

**Title:** Best Day Of My Life (5/23)  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters that might strike you as familiar.  
**Summary:** That it had all started that one day, that was plain to see. But love has never been simple, and with her it certainly wouldn't get any easier. (CaRWash)  
**Chapter summary: **He was never much of a pretender, especially not in front of her.  
**Spoilers:** None.  
**Song:** Jesse McCartney - Take Your Sweet Time  
**A/N:** My newest multichap, inspired entirely on Jesse McCartney's both current (3rd one's coming up) albums.  
Thanks for all the interest guys, I'll do my best not to disappoint you! This road isn't close to coming to an end.

* * *

_It isn't a crime to want  
A little space to breathe  
But you will be fine  
The sun again will shine on you  
Whatever you do  
Take your sweet, sweet time  
I will be here when you change your mind  
Take your sweet, sweet time  
I will be here for you baby  
Anytime_

* * *

Ryan always chose his clothes for the upcoming day the night before. He made sure that what he picked was comfortable, because he had to work in it all day, but also clean and stylish, because in the end he did represent the city, and first impression was everything. But right now, slipping into the white lab coat with his name stitched onto it, he knew that was what he preferred to wear.

His style had subtly changed over the years. His new and a bit too extreme spiky hair and tight t-shirts had evolved from his slightly put up hair and his so-called Miami Vice jackets, which had in their turn outdated his long hair and sweater vests. Some days he actually missed his innocent newbie fresh-out-of-college look.

The one thing that would never change was his love for lab coats. As insecure as he was about his appearance, whenever he wore a lab coat he knew he looked like he wanted to look: like a scientist. Everyone in the lab looked like that, so he didn't stand out in any way, and it made him feel at home, in his right place.

Alexx pushed the glass door opened and made sure it closed properly before entering the room, standing on the other side of the table. She put her hands on it and leaned forward slightly.

"Hi Alexx. What brings you up here?"  
"Your love life does, baby boy."  
"My love…uh…do we need to get into this right now?" Ryan asked, a blush creeping onto his cheeks.  
"Yes we do. Look, you know I don't like meddling with your personal life…"

Ryan grinned. He knew damn well that Alexx loved to meddle in his personal life. Even though her intentions were good, it could irritate him to no end sometimes.

"…I think it's important right now."  
"And getting into this after work, or just…never, is out of the question?"  
"Ryan…"  
"Alright, alright! But if I get scowled for not working, I am putting the blame on you." Ryan smirked to hide his insecurity on what was coming.

"You can continue working, I'll talk."

Nodding, Ryan started to work on the fiber he had found the previous day. Getting it ready to be examined under the microscope, his ears focused on Alexx as she began to speak.

"I didn't mean to, but I saw you and Calleigh in the locker room yesterday."

The preparation Ryan had been holding shattered to the floor and he quickly kneeled to collect the shards. "Oh," was all his timid shaking voice could form.

"And don't worry, I haven't, nor will I tell anyone about it. I'm just surprised that you haven't told me about…well, you."  
"There's no us." Ryan was quick to spill. "Or at least I don't think so."  
"Oh boy, you went down _that_ road."

He stood up and started over with his preparation of the fiber, disposing the remainders of the old one down the container. He didn't answer her yet. Usually his mouth spoke before he'd had the chance to ponder what he was going to say, but this time he didn't want to say anything to compromise whatever it was him and Calleigh had.

"I don't know what it is we have, Alexx. I don't think she knows either. There's just been a change that we haven't been able to talk about."  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
"Honestly Alexx, nothing personal, but I really want to talk about it with her before I talk to anyone else. Just to make sure I tell the right story."  
"I understand." She replied, and he knew that she was trying to cover the fact that she was slightly hurt.  
"I promise, as soon as I find out exactly what's going on, you'll be the first…or well, that would make you the second, person to know." He grinned, strengthening his words.  
"Okay baby. I'll be patient. But be careful. You know Stetler is keeping an eye or two on every one of us."  
"I do know, and I agree that the locker room wasn't the most ideal place to…well it just wasn't the right place."  
"I have to say that what I saw yesterday, quick as it was, didn't look meaningless."  
"It wasn't Alexx. Not to me."  
"Make sure you talk to Calleigh soon."

"That can be arranged."

Ryan, who had been keeping his eyes on his hands and the table the entire time he talked to Alexx, raised his head to the sound of that voice. Behind Alexx, Calleigh's blond hair appeared. Ryan's breath caught in his throat.

Alexx had a disapproving look on her face, and was about to comment on how eavesdropping wasn't very mature, when she decided that she wasn't going to pry into this.

"I have lunch break now. Do you want to join me?"

Calleigh looked straight past Alexx and Ryan nodded. He again realized that he hadn't worked at all this morning, and promised himself that this afternoon he would work twice as hard to make up for the missed time.

Alexx watched as Ryan walked around the table and followed Calleigh out of the lab without another word or glance in her direction. Shaking her head she turned and went back to the morgue.

When Ryan stepped out of the building, he thought that's where they were going to stop, but instead Calleigh kept walking, and he kept following. Eventually, a good amount of feet away from the crime lab, Calleigh came to a halt.

"I could start by telling you that I didn't hear you talking to Alexx, but that would be lying, and that would only make this more difficult. So I heard what you said to Alexx, and I agree. I don't know what it is we have, but I agree that 'it', whatever it may be, is not meaningless. Not to you, and not to me, either."

She turned around and faced him. He stared her right in the eye and waited for her to continue, because he didn't know what to say, and even if he did, his heart was beating so fast in his throat that he didn't think he would get the words over his lips.

"I care about you a lot, Ryan. I just think…I just think that maybe we took it a step too soon."  
Ryan swallowed. "What are you saying?" His voice sounded raspy and stutterish, nothing like him.  
"I'm saying that I think we can't see the difference between what we feel and what we want to feel right now. When we kissed I felt something, I just can't pinpoint exactly what it is I felt. And I need to find out what it was before I can go any further."  
"Can't we…I mean wouldn't it be more logical to find out together?"  
Calleigh smiled. "Maybe to you, it would seem more logical, but I need time to think. And in that time, I can't be around you. I'm not going to avoid you, but I need you to…just continue the way we did a week ago."  
"I don't follow."  
"You're my best friend, and I've always known that there was a chance that one day we'd take this step. But I never thought about what I would do if that happened, and I need to do that now. I know any other person would just dive in and see what will happen, but I can't do that. Do you understand?"

Ryan swallowed hard, trying to keep his emotions in check. If Calleigh wanted to deny the spark that had lighted the fire in his heart when she'd kissed him, then he didn't want to admit to her that was what happened. He wanted to pretend that it didn't matter that she wanted to ignore it, that her kiss hadn't excited him in the least, that her words had only reflected his own feelings. He really tried.

He didn't think it worked really well, though.

"Yeah, I understand. It's fine."

Calleigh looked at the ground and smiled. Ryan could never hide things from her, and in that spirit she knew exactly what he was thinking right now, but she smiled it off and ignored the tug on her heart she felt.

"Good. We'd better get back to work then; we're stretching this lunch break a little too much."  
"Yeah, you're right. I'll see you later."

Ryan walked back inside without another look back to Calleigh. He went straight to the lab he had been working in, didn't talk to anyone. He opened the lab, got back behind the table, and immediately started working on what he should have done this morning already. He tried to blank his mind, and just work, just get this done.

He nearly succeeded.

And then she slipped into his mind again.

* * *

**A/N:**_ and that's a good thing, because this story would be coming to a very quick end if not for that! Let me know what y'alls opinions are!_


	6. Why Is Love So Hard To Find?

**Title:** Best Day Of My Life (6/23)  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters that might strike you as familiar.  
**Summary:** That it had all started that one day, that was plain to see. But love has never been simple, and with her it certainly wouldn't get any easier. (CaRWash)  
**Chapter summary: **Even when she wasn't around, he still wouldn't get a break.  
**Spoilers:** None.  
**Song:** Jesse McCartney - Why Is Love So Hard To Find?  
**A/N:** My newest multichap, inspired entirely on Jesse McCartney's both current (3rd one's coming up) albums.  
Me needs more inspiration to continue this, since the SHOW definitely isn't helping.

* * *

_If it's love that keeps us breathing  
gives us something to believe in  
Is it fear that makes us blind?  
Tell me, why is love so hard to find?  
If we hear so much about it  
and we can't go on without it  
Let the mystery unwind  
Tell me, why is love so hard to find?_

* * *

Ryan was lying on his covers, wearing nothing but his boxers and a Boston College T-shirt he had had since his college days. His eyes were closed, and his chest was going up and down peacefully, in a perfectly steady rhythm. For any person that might see him in this condition, the obvious conclusion was to say that he was sleeping. It seemed so.

But he wasn't.

He was simply staring at the inside of his eyes, images of his past two days playing before him like he was in the theatre. It started out like a great movie, but the ending was highly disappointing. He squeezed his eyes more shut, trying to block out the memories. How he had managed to finish his job today was beyond him. Every time he turned, he expected to see her face smiling at him, every time he looked up he imagined her lips touching his again.

That day, when he'd visited her seminar, and talked to her afterwards, at Starbucks, he'd known he wanted to be a CSI for sure. Not because of the story she told. Not even because of her appearance. But because of the way she talked, the soothing effect it had on him. How comfortable and respected she made him feel, a feeling that wasn't too familiar in his childhood. True, he couldn't deny that he was attracted to her; the entire class had been attracted to her. But he was twenty-three, what chance did he have? She was probably married, had a kid or two running through the living room.

When he joined CSI, after merely a year of patrol experience, he found out that the scenario he'd made up wasn't even close to reality. She told him she was single, and childless, and from the gossiping lab techs he found out that her reputation with men was bluntly horrible. He witnessed her get hurt by John Hagen, Peter Elliot, Jake Berkely, and even Eric. The conclusion was easily made: no matter how good it could be for her, Calleigh just didn't fall for types like Ryan.

What kind of type was he, anyway? In high school, he painfully remembered, he'd been a nobody. A ghost, a wallflower, someone girls turned to only when they couldn't make their science assignment. In college it had been somewhat better, because everyone in his class was a chemistry nerd, so he didn't pop out much. But by then his OCD had really started to play up, again making him fall somewhat, if even a little, outside the group. Therapy and medication should clear that up, so when he passed his finals and got allowed into patrol academy, he was sure it was going to be okay. He even took on a side-study in genetics, because he wanted to go into CSI with the knowledge he needed. He wanted to do right, wanted to prove himself.

Little did he know, his over-confidence led him to make rookie mistakes, exactly the ones he'd been trying to avoid. He had been chewed up and spit out by Delko, scrutinized by Stetler and worse, he'd been yelled at by Calleigh. In the end, she'd always talked to him about it, normally, calmly, but in the spur of the moment, she'd explode, letting him know just what it was she thought about his actions. The family she'd talked about, he missed. There was a family, very clearly. Horatio and Alexx as 'parents', proudly and protectively about their 'children', Calleigh, Eric, even the lab techs Valera, and later Natalia, were accepted graciously. It was one big family, and he was the black sheep. He didn't fit in.

During his second year he grew so much closer to everyone, to Calleigh, as they started having those after-shift drinks where they'd just talk, and even to Eric, who stepped up to the plate after he'd been shot with that nail gun. No matter how painful and gruesome the accident had been, somewhere he was grateful for it. He felt like, through almost losing him, they had realized that they weren't exactly warm towards him, and they changed that attitude immediately. When he uncovered Natalia as the mole, he thought he'd be carried on hands, but it didn't go like that. Natalia was promoted to level one CSI, coming equal with him. He hadn't understood. He'd been furious. After all the work he'd done to climb to the position he held now, she'd just been lifted there.

This new attitude didn't do him much good, in fact, it had gotten him fired. When he saw no other escape he'd given into gambling, and… let's just say it wasn't his smartest move ever. Besides losing his job, he lost the little bit of family relationship he'd had with the team. He didn't see any of them anymore, safe for Natalia, who was practicing for her firearms proficiency at the gun range he worked at. Horatio contacted him for a little side-job once, and he had seen Calleigh twice. Once as he worked at the TV-station where she came to contact him, and once when that little side-job had gotten him to be a piece of evidence in their case. Even after he got rehired they hadn't had much contact. But they were working together again, and that was step one for him.

And then this happens.

After years of lusting after her, falling more and more in love with her every day; finally she kissed him, making him feel like his efforts had not been for nothing. He'd worn his heart on his sleeve, offering it to her on a silver platter, and instead she had it returned to the kitchen. He briefly wondered if it was him, that made her take a step back, or that she'd have done this with every guy that would've kissed her.

He wanted to believe it was nothing personal, but couldn't help but think that if it had been Eric kissing her, she would've taken the plunge. He groaned inwardly. The jealousy that he hadn't felt when Eric had hugged Calleigh on the steps of the lab earlier today was coming out now, when he was supposed to sleep, supposed to forget.

So, his type? Still a nobody. Still that boy you only contact when you need something from him, not just for fun, not just for a chat. Certainly not for a romantic relationship. Certainly not for love. He didn't know why people thought he wasn't able to give love, didn't know why she didn't dare to take the risk with him. Maybe he was wrong in thinking that she just didn't want to get hurt, maybe she just didn't want to be with him, but didn't know how to tell him nicely.

He was going insane, and it was not only ridiculous, but also discouraging. He was only hurting himself with this. He was holding onto the possibility that she would realize exactly what their kiss had meant to him, and even more that she felt the same way. He knew running was her way of dealing, that denying meant less hurt for her. But then again she hadn't denied, not fully. She did say that, whatever it was happened, had meant something to her. She just didn't know what. That didn't necessarily mean that she didn't return his feelings, did it?

She hadn't exactly jumped at the possibility, but she hadn't turned him down completely, hadn't crushed his hope. If she saw nothing in a relationship between the two of them, he at least hoped she'd have the heart to directly tell him, that she wouldn't leave him hanging on an invisible thread.

But no, if she saw nothing, nothing at all, in a relationship with him, then why would she have kissed him in the locker room a second time? If she regretted kissing him, if she wasn't happy with how things went, then surely she wouldn't have kissed him again, right? It could hardly be called a kiss, because it had been so short he almost didn't recognize it as such, she'd almost completely pulled away again when he leaned forward, keeping his lips on hers, stretching the kiss. He thought it must have been that part that Alexx described as 'not meaningless'. And she was right, if he'd been given the chance, he would've grabbed her in his arms, and kissed her back passionately, no matter who could or would walk in.

Calleigh hadn't given him the chance though, for she had been the one walking **out** on them. And he'd wanted to go after her, but if he had, he wouldn't have known what to say. Knowing him, he'd probably have made things harder.

He just didn't know what to think. Should he be hopeful, was she going to realize what she felt and would it be positive? Would he ever feel her lips on his again, would he ever get to hold her close? Or would she decide that this wasn't what she wanted, and would she decline, ignore, and forget everything that happened between them?

So many questions were going through his mind, questions only she could answer for him. He sighed, the lull of his breathing finally being broken. His eyes snapped open. What was he gonna do if she didn't want him? If this had indeed been the last time they had kissed? Would he be able to live with that? Being around her at work every day, forever be distracted because he could feel her lips on his, yet knowing that it would always stay with imagining?

He got out of bed and walked into his kitchen. Sleep wasn't gonna come for him anytime soon. He opened his fridge, the little light blinding him, because the rest of his surroundings were dark. Grabbing a bottle of water, he leaned on his counter, taking a sip. He let out an amused laugh. He wasn't even drowning his sorrows in beer, no, he was drinking mineral water. Hardly a way to forget the problems on his mind; even just for a little while. But if he'd allow himself to have a beer, because he did have them in his fridge, it wouldn't stop at one. And going into work tomorrow with a hangover was the last thing he needed.

He took another sip of his water, suddenly feeling quite self-pitied and pathetic. If he wasn't able to sleep after a day like this, then how was he ever going to sleep when she turned him down, or worse, if she didn't turn him down, if they'd get together, and then get into a fight?

No. He couldn't think like this. Couldn't, and shouldn't. It wasn't going to help his situation, wouldn't make him feel better, and most of all, it would keep him awake. He placed his bottle back in the fridge and walked back towards his bedroom.

The best thing for him to do was go back to bed, block out the memories, and sleep. Wake up in the morning, and go to work, trying as much as he could to avoid Calleigh. He put in a silent prayer not to be paired up with her tomorrow. He could play this well. He could get through this if he just didn't have to see her too much, and if he had enough things on his mind to distract it from her.

Determined to make it through this, he crawled underneath his blankets and pulled them up. He rolled onto his side, the bright green digits on his alarm clock reading 01:16. He would sleep, and start tomorrow with a different introspective. He could deal with this. He could get through this.

* * *

_**A/N:** And you'll find out how he will do that as soon as I get off my butt and write more. So encourage me, will ya?_


	7. Anybody

**Title:** Best Day Of My Life (7/23)  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters that might strike you as familiar.  
**Summary:** That it had all started that one day, that was plain to see. But love has never been simple, and with her it certainly wouldn't get any easier. (CaRWash)  
**Chapter summary: **She wasn't having the easiest time of her life, either.  
**Spoilers:** None.  
**Song:** Jesse McCartney - Anybody  
**A/N:** My newest multichap, inspired entirely on Jesse McCartney's both current (3rd one's coming up) albums.  
YES it's an update indeed, and I have been writing on this story again. -encourages self-

* * *

_Has anybody ever felt this way?  
Has anybody been ripped apart?  
Anybody give everything to the one they love?  
Am I the only one left behind?  
Am I the only one who hates goodbyes?  
God I know this can't go on forever_

* * *

When Horatio entered the lab the next morning, earlier than everyone else, as always, he wasn't expecting to find anyone there. As every other morning, he was planning on going into his office; finish the paperwork that was piling up; and when the rest of his team was coming in, he would hand out new assignments or ask them their progress in the case they were working on. He walked through the hallway, opened a lab with his master key, flicked on the lights, and then moved on to the next lab. He followed his habitual round through the lab, until he reached the ballistics' lab. He was surprise to notice that the door wasn't closed.

He reached for the doorknob and opened the door softly. The lights inside were off, but in the light that came from the hallway he could clearly see Calleigh's sleeping form draped over her desk. Her hair hung loose over her face, and on her desk laid the hair band that had kept it back before. Her head was resting on her arms, her ear-protection and glasses forgotten on the floor.

With a small smile on his face, yet with concerned eyes, he stepped into the lab and closed the door behind him. The sound awoke Calleigh and she opened her eyes, blinking as to remember where she was. Horatio grabbed a chair and sat down next to her as she sat up abruptly.

"Horatio! I am so sorry, I didn't know…"

Horatio put his hand up in the air, silencing her.

"Don't worry about it ma'am. I'm more interested in the reason you're here than any excuses. I know you consider the lab your second home, but this is going a little far."

Calleigh gave a small smile.

"Yeah. I must've just fallen asleep. I was in late, I wanted to finish something, and I can't remember…I think I just dozed off." She explained, running a hand through her wild hair in the meantime.  
"You know my opinion on staying in late."  
"I do, but…honestly, I hardly realized the time. It's just, I've got a lot of things on my mind right now, and I think it just got the best of me."  
"Is there anything I should know?"  
"No, it's not professional. It's personal."  
"That doesn't necessarily mean I shouldn't know about it. Besides your boss, I am your friend, Calleigh." Horatio raised his eyebrows.  
"I know Horatio." Calleigh smiled sweetly. "It's a couple of things I'm struggling with. I promise I won't let it interfere with the job again."  
"I trust you on that. Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"  
Calleigh nodded. "Yeah. I'm fine."

Horatio started to stand up and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Go freshen yourself up in the locker room, then. You can have the day off if you need it."  
"You know that's a worthless question." Calleigh said, tilting her head slightly.  
"I'm still going to ask you."  
"I'll go clean up."

Horatio left the ballistics' lab as Calleigh grabbed her things together. As he walked through the hallway, he thought about how often he'd heard Calleigh say she was fine. It was her standard answer, meaning 'I'm really not going to tell you what's going on, so leave it'. He hated it when she did that, because he saw her as a colleague, a friend, a daughter. He'd seen her go through several rough times, and wondered what it was this time.

A lot of her breakdowns had been caused by her father. His constant drinking had asked for her to pick him up at bars on several occasions. His periodic promises of lying off alcohol meant nothing to her anymore, but still hurt her inside when he failed to follow them again. And Horatio knew that there were a lot of tickets she'd made to go away. The DUIs, even the possible vehicular manslaughters. He knew that she didn't like it, but he also knew that she wouldn't be able to stay away. She loved her father despite everything he did, and she saw it as her personal duty to take care of him like he'd once, no matter how good or bad, taken care of her.

He hadn't heard from Duke Duquesne in a while, though, so he couldn't testify to whether he was drinking at the moment or not.

Several other reasons that had put Calleigh in distress went by the names of John Hagen, Peter Elliot, Jake Berkely and Eric Delko. With her southern princess looks, Calleigh didn't have to beg for men's attention. She was resistant of entering a real commitment with any though, because she had been hurt, and was constantly afraid of being hurt. He could understand her, although he somewhere thought that she was asking for it by being distrustful. He had to admit that her taste in men was…bad, to say the least. There were nice man interested in her, but she passed them on the way to another bad boy that would end up hurting her. Horatio just hoped, for her sake, that one day she'd open her eyes.

But he hadn't seen her with any particular man a lot, lately, so he really couldn't be sure if there was someone in her life at this time.

Other reasons for a sudden lapse could be the case, the snake bite that had almost caused her life. Of all things Calleigh Duquesne had had happening to her, being bitten by a snake wasn't among them, Horatio knew. In some way, no matter how cool and easy she handled the situation, inside she must have been affected by the event. If not by the pain; then by the unfamiliar feelings. The numbness of her hand, the sudden sickness and the dependence, the feeling of putting her life in someone else's hands. At the very least Horatio thought that her falling asleep at work proved that indeed she had been in some way thrown off by something, and the snake bite seemed the most logical option right now.

On his way back to his office he saw Ryan, Eric and Natalia approach. He smiled; they were right on time, even a little early, as always. He only had to look at them and they knew what to do. Natalia and Ryan turned left, and entered a lab. Eric walked the final distance and came to a stop in front of him.

"H."  
"Eric."  
"You look worried. Is something wrong?"  
"It's just another day, Eric. Just another day."  
"Is Calleigh in yet?"  
"She is."  
"Is she still on this case? I mean, after what happened, and yesterday she didn't really work on it."  
"You know her, Eric. She's still on this case."  
Eric nodded. "Okay. Anyway, I wanted to ask if you want to join me in interrogation. I think a night in jail has loosened Mr. Tough Guy up."

Horatio looked down the hallway and saw Calleigh turn the corner, coming out of the direction of the locker room. She looked up at him and smiled, probably more to Eric than to him. He noticed she looked better, and turned to answer Eric's question.

"Lead the way."

Calleigh watched them leave and saw Ryan emerging from a lab right behind them. She felt her heart skip a beat and quickly turned to face away from him. She didn't know what she was going to do. She'd missed one day's worth of working on the case, and she'd missed half the facts and progresses. But the only person she could ask right now was the only person she was trying to avoid. She felt like she was slowly being split in two, two different sides of her with two different opinions.

Ryan stood at the desk behind her, an open case file in his hands but his eyes directed at anything but the file. He noticed his hand was shaking, he was nervous being in her presence. He shook his head as to shake himself back to reality and looked at the files. "Thanks Paula." He said quickly. He had to show the files in his hands to Natalia, who was in the DNA lab, but to get there, he would have to pass Calleigh.

He took a deep breath and started walking. He was closing in on her. She was facing away from him, her blond hair in a neat ponytail, as always. He clung to the case file tighter as he got only inches away from her.

And then she stepped aside and turned, making him crash into her, sending his papers flying to the ground. The sudden collision made her eyes grow a size and Ryan's hand trembling even more than before. He kneeled and started picking up his papers. Calleigh made an attempt to follow him, but he quickly blurted out that she didn't have to. Instead she looked down on him, trying to calm her heartbeat down.

"I'm sorry Ryan. I didn't see you coming."  
"It's okay. It happens."  
"Are those files from our case?"

Ryan stood up; the files now back in his hands, but not in order. The little voice in his head told him to organize them, but his heart screamed at him to get away from Calleigh first, before it would explode.

"Yeah. I have to get these to Natalia, if you don't mind…?" He gestured past her and Calleigh's face got an 'oh, right' look on it. She stepped aside.  
"No, go ahead. I'll see you later then."  
"Yes, see you later."

He disappeared past her, and Calleigh closed her eyes. Were things always going to be like this from now on? Clumsy, and awkward? She didn't want them to be like this, desperately trying to avoid each other, and quickly trying to get away if they did meet. She looked back over her shoulder and saw Ryan entering the DNA lab, Natalia looking up at his presence. They briefly discussed the files, turning pages and changing facial expressions, and then Ryan turned and got out again.

Something snapped inside of Calleigh as she realized she hadn't moved since he walked past her, and he noticed as he looked at her. She made a small smile appear on her face, and he smiled back, clearly unsure of what to think. He gave a small nod to himself, as if to remind himself he was supposed to be doing other things, and turned left, walking away.

Calleigh moved in the same direction. She didn't want to be like this, she couldn't be like this. But then she stopped. Did she really want to go after him while she still didn't have an answer for him? Did she want to provoke another uncomfortable situation with him? No. She'd better leave him alone, give him rest, until she had a real reason to go and talk to him.

Things would get better, it was only just recent. It would fade away.  
Right?


	8. Beautiful Soul

**Title:** Best Day Of My Life (8/23)  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters that might strike you as familiar.  
**Summary:** That it had all started that one day, that was plain to see. But love has never been simple, and with her it certainly wouldn't get any easier. (CaRWash)  
**Chapter summary: **She seems to understand him perfectly, it's herself she's struggling with.  
**Spoilers:** None.  
**Song:** Jesse McCartney - Beautiful Soul  
**A/N:** My newest multichap, inspired entirely on Jesse McCartney's both current (3rd one's coming up) albums.  
I was planning on posting two chapters before I went on holiday, but I just didn't have the time.  
Sorry, you'll have to live on this for the coming 2 weeks. I promise I will post a new chapter the day I get home.

* * *

_I don't want another pretty face  
I don't want just anyone to hold  
I don't want my love to go to waste  
I want you and your beautiful soul  
You're the one I wanna chase  
You're the one I wanna hold  
I won't let another minute go to waste  
I want you and your beautiful soul_

* * *

Alexx looked up in surprise as she saw Calleigh entering her morgue. She looked around, there were no bodies prepped for autopsy, and as far as she was concerned, there wasn't a case that required another check of the body. Her eyebrow therefore shot up in obvious confusion as the southern blond smiled and leaned the palms of her hands on a cold autopsy table.

"Hi Alexx."  
"Hi Calleigh, dear. What brings you down into my humble surroundings?"  
"Can't a girl come down here for a little chat, from one woman to another?" Calleigh smiled brightly.  
"Of course you can baby. You just don't do it often." Alexx smiled back.  
"Maybe I'm just not often in the situation where I need some motherly advice."  
"Ah!"

Alexx placed a file on a table and walked around to meet Calleigh on the other side of the table.

"Now why didn't you say so immediately? You know I love my gossip."  
"Well, I hadn't exactly planned for this conversation to be the lab's next big thing, if you get what I mean."  
"Private conversation, I got it. Go for it."

Calleigh leaned her back against the table, attempting to strike a relaxed and confident pose at the same time.

"Well, I know you were talking to Ryan the other day, and I'm sure, with him being the emotional…well, him, he told you about what happened the other day?"  
"Yes he did darling, that he did, but he didn't have to. I've witnessed it all with my own two eyes."

Calleigh turned white and raised an eyebrow. "What were you doing at the parking lot across the street?"

"Parking lot across the street?" Alexx said confused, "I saw you in the locker room. What happened at the parking lot across the street?"

Calleigh closed her eyes and sighed. She began to tell the entire story to Alexx, knowing that no matter how much she dreaded to, it would make her feel better.

"We kissed."  
"That I figured, I'm more interested to know what led to it."  
"He just…he saved my life, when I was bitten by the snake…he carried me through the Everglades, Alexx, and the look in his eyes…I don't know why I've never realized exactly what it meant. He stayed with me in the hospital until I woke up…and then we talked for a long time before he eventually left. The next morning he was back to drive me to work, and when we arrived in the parking lot, we kissed."

Alexx listened fascinated yet judgingly, processing the story in her head, forming her opinion based on these new facts.

"But I don't know what to think, I don't know what I want. I told him I needed time, but now I think I've hurt him, but I didn't mean to. I just don't know Alexx…" Calleigh finished.

Sighing, Calleigh lowered her head, staring at the floor.

"Sweetheart, you're worrying too much. If you need time to figure this out then you know Ryan's gonna give you time." Alexx said, placing her hand on Calleigh's shoulder.  
"But I just can't be around him now. I mean, not that I can't as in I don't want to, but whenever I am I start doubting everything, and it seems like we're unintentionally avoiding each other all the time, but I don't want that, because he is my best friend. D'you understand?"  
"I do Calleigh, I do, but you have to give it time, exactly like you asked for. You will figure out what you want, I'm positive, but I'm also sure that in the state you're in, it's not going to come to you within the next week." Alexx concluded.  
"Great."  
"It's never been simple baby. You should know that."  
"I do. I just don't like it."

_"I really, really don't like it." _Calleigh thought as she sat in one of the observation rooms with case files spread out on the table in front of her, Ryan sitting in the chair opposite of her with a bunch of photographs spread out in front of him, and no word had been said, not even when she'd entered.

She flipped another page and picked up a piece of paper, studying it thoroughly. Their case had definitely reached a dead end, and they didn't satisfy themselves with an unsolved case. So every member on it had retired into a place where they could think straight. Or, this had been the plan. Until Calleigh walked into the same room Ryan was sitting in. Getting back out would seem rude, especially since he did look up at her, so she had just flashed him a smile and sat down on the other side of the table.

And she was still sitting there now, as was he still sitting across from her. His eyes were gliding across the pictures in front of him, flipping through them, shoving them around, but never letting his attention slip to her. She focused on her file, but upon realizing that she'd been reading the same sentence five times, and still didn't know exactly what it said, she gave into her ponderings.

Alexx had told her that if she needed time, that Ryan would give her time, and she was right in that. Ryan was just that kind of guy, and especially around her -or so Calleigh liked to think. He always took her feelings into account, asked her what she wanted, and lived up to that. If she said yes, it was yes, if she said no, it was no. He trusted her judgment for a hundred percent, probably a result from her mentoring days, and she knew he'd only go against her if he was 110 percent sure he had good reasons and arguments to go against her.

Well, most of the time.

Sometimes he was irrational; his vision would be clouded by personal experience, prejudices, or just his naïve and ignorant mind. On a couple occasions she had to set him straight, because, driven by his passionate side, he'd been making comments or actions that weren't right. But no one was perfect, and she found that she actually liked that passionate, involved side of him. At least it proved he cared, about the things they worked for, and for her. And as unlikely as it sounded, that was a rarity in her life.

He had a bit of a temper, which especially came out when things didn't go the way he wanted them to. More specifically, when injustice was done. She hadn't found out, and shamefully she realized that she'd never asked either, why he was so incredibly set on things being 'right'. She did this job because she wanted justice, too, they all wanted that, but there was something about him that pushed him more than it did them, something that when things weren't 'right', made him explode. She'd expected it to have something to do with his OCD, and she made the mental note that, if they ever went back to talking again, she should ask him about it.

He felt easily attacked too. He was all for conversation, he could be social and he was a very good listener, but he wasn't much for conversation when it was about him. He tended to go into denial or defense quickly. But she understood that, she was exactly like that. If people started talking to her about herself, the chance was high they heard something they wanted to confirm, and there was always the chance it would be spread and it would have negative effects for her in the end. So she understood Ryan's reluctance to talk about himself.

She had, however, gotten him to open up to her on multiple occasions. Apparently he thought, or used to think at least, that she couldn't do him much harm. And that had never been her goal, indeed. She was a naturally curious person, and she just liked to get to know people better. During his first two years at CSI, she'd gotten to know a lot about him, and just when she was fairly sure she knew him well, in his third year there had been a turn in his behavior. He'd gotten more private, kept more things bottled up inside himself. It had scared her, because she recognized this behavior from herself, and she knew how the load could be too much to bear.

He had turned to gambling, and she had felt useless. She knew the reasons for it; she was a smart woman who knew him better than he thought she did. But she hadn't known how to help him. And because of that, she had instead turned to another emotion she knew well: disappointment. In a way, she felt let down by him, disappointed that he let things get as far as getting himself fired. She was glad that after he returned, they'd eventually had the chance to talk about things, and get him to open up slightly. She knew that he hadn't told her everything, but after the events of the last few days, she suddenly knew what had been the main reason for his gambling.

And she couldn't help but feel guilty.

She stole a glance in his direction, only to see him still staring at his pictures in trance. She swallowed, she so desperately wanted to make some witty, sexy comment that would make him grin and give a teasing reply, as they used to do, but she couldn't think of anything at all. She didn't think he felt like it either, because he had made no attempt to start a conversation with her either.

She wondered if he was really that hurt. She'd never noticed his male pride to be so…there. Perhaps he was just shielding himself from her to soften the expected blow, or maybe he was trying to keep his emotions in check this way. _Or maybe he's just giving you the space you asked for._

Damnit. Ryan Wolfe really was that kind of guy.

She looked over at him again, and again he was fixated on his photographs. She didn't know why she minded, she should be glad that he was doing his job well instead of letting her distract him. She looked at her file. What did she want to do if he looked back anyway? It was not like she knew what to tell him.

"Cal?"

She never had been the type for awkward behavior; she always had an answer or a comment ready. Especially around him it had never been difficult to start a conversation about anything at all, about work, or private matters, or about the birds and the bees. Anything at all worked for them. Or, rather, used to work for them.

"Cal."

She wondered, if she were to just say something, anything, to him, would he reply normally? She'd try it out, but she honestly had no clue what to talk about. Talking about the case seemed useless since they were both on it and obviously neither of them had found anything new yet. Talking about anything other than the case seemed useless as well, because they were here to find a new lead on it, not to talk about what he'd be eating for dinner later that day.

"Calleigh!"

She jumped and looked up at him, surprised that he was really talking to her.

"What?"  
"I've got it."


	9. Why Don't You Kiss Her?

**Title:** Best Day Of My Life (9/23)  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters that might strike you as familiar.  
**Summary:** That it had all started that one day, that was plain to see. But love has never been simple, and with her it certainly wouldn't get any easier. (CaRWash)  
**Chapter summary: **Some things you should forget, some you should've remembered.  
**Spoilers:** Some, but if I told you know from what episode my question in A/N would be worthless :P  
**Song:** Jesse McCartney - Why Don't You Kiss Her?  
**A/N:** My newest multichap, inspired entirely on Jesse McCartney's both current (3rd one's coming up) albums.  
Bonus points for who can guess the episode the sorting is mentioned in. No cheating!

* * *

_Oh I'm so afraid to make that first move  
Just a touch and we could cross the line  
And every time she's near, I wanna never let her go  
Confess to her what my heart knows  
Hold her close  
Why don't you kiss her?  
Why don't you tell her?  
Why don't you let her see  
the feelings that you hide?  
'Cause she'll never know  
if you nev__er show  
the way you feel inside_

_

* * *

_He broke their case that afternoon. He broke their case, and rekindled their ability to communicate. As soon as she had recovered from the fact that he had actually called out her name and spoken to her, he explained to her what he'd found, and as she listened, she realized that this was the piece of evidence they needed.

"Good job, Ryan."

The smile on his face was so genuine it made her want to say it again, just to keep that smile on his face. He looked so much more Ryan, when he was smiling. It was like Ryan and his smile could not be seen as two separate things. If Ryan wasn't smiling, he wasn't fully Ryan. It made sense in some way.

"Thanks Cal."

Her heart made a back flip in her chest. They were talking. They were actually talking. And not only were they talking, he called her Cal. She watched as he grabbed the pictures together, but then started sorting them. By file number, she saw when she focused on them, and in the back of her mind she remembered how she'd once told him she usually organized by file number, instead of by date, which was what he had been doing when she entered.

"Didn't you…didn't you sort by date?" She asked, making a thoughtful face, trying to make sure her thoughts were right.

He looked up at her. "Yeah, I used to. But you sort by file number and I figured that if we'd be working together a lot, since you're my mentor, it'd be better if I did it by file number as well. I can't help but organize things, so it seemed like a better idea to sort it the way you want it to instead of sorting it my way and then have you re-sort it."

Calleigh looked at him in astonishment. "You adjusted your way of sorting so that it wouldn't collide with mine?"  
"I just didn't want you to get mad at me for sorting it the wrong way so, yeah; I guess you could say that."

Her eyes wide, Calleigh realized that for a person with OCD, changing your routine would be a terribly hard thing to do.

"You needn't have done that."  
He shrugged. "I wanted to. In the end, I think it's actually a lot more functional in court."

Calleigh smiled. She then remembered something else he just mentioned.

"I am your mentor?"  
"Well, not in the most literal meaning I guess, but I never stopped thinking of you as my mentor, even when we didn't work as many cases together anymore. You are the person I learnt most from here."  
"I'll take that as a compliment, and thank you. I'm convinced you don't need a mentor anymore, though."  
"Everyone needs a mentor now and then."

She pondered that. In rare cases, she looked over her shoulder as well, wanting to find someone there to tell her what to do. Most times, she would find no one there, and she knew she had to find out on her own. She'd turn back to find other people looking over their shoulders to her, wanting her to tell them what to do, and she'd learn them how to find out on their own, as well.

"I guess that's true. No one's perfect, no one can do everything on their own all the time. We all need someone to turn to at some point."  
"Who do you turn to?"  
"Honestly?" She asked, and he nodded, looking eager to hear her answer. To hear his name, perhaps?  
"Myself."  
His eyes widened in confusion. "Yourself?"  
"You know me; I don't much like to talk about myself, or admit I can't do something. I'll always try to figure it out on my own."  
"So…you think I should do more on my own?"  
"I didn't say my method was automatically the right one. I think it can't hurt to ask, I just know that I, personally, won't."

He nodded to himself in understanding, and looked down at the floor. Maybe he should've turned to himself more, as well. He knew it never hurt to ask, that she'd always answer his questions, but maybe if he hadn't depended on her this much, he'd never have fallen in love with her. On the other hand, he knew that wasn't true, because he fell in love with her the second she walked into his college class to give her seminar.

"Don't you ever get sick and tired of having to do everything on your own?" He asked, looking into her eyes.  
"Of course. But then I remember why I'm doing this, why I wanted this job."  
"Because the satisfaction you get from locking a killer away is overwhelming." Ryan muttered.  
"What?"

Calleigh looked at him, her features overtaken by a confused look.

"The satisfaction you get from locking a killer away is overwhelming." He repeated.  
She blinked. "Those are not your words."  
"No, they're yours. That what you said to me, the day you gave the seminar. At Starbucks."

She tilted her head slightly and eyed him as if she'd never seen him before. Flashes of memory seemed to pass by her eyes in rapid velocity; she closed her eyes for just a second as the last piece of the puzzle fitted smoothly into the last remaining hole.

_"Calleigh. Calleigh Duquesne."  
__"I'm Ryan Wolfe."  
__"I'll try to remember that. Nice meeting you Ryan."  
__"Same here, Calleigh."_

"Oh my Lord."  
"What? Calleigh, are you alright?"

He walked around the table and just as he was about to reach out his hand to her, she turned her head and looked at him.

"That was you."

He nodded.

"Of course. Why didn't I make the connection before? Your name should've rung a bell inside my head; your face should seem familiar somehow. The desperation to prove yourself, even the fact that you're from Boston didn't tip me off."  
"It's okay. You probably do multiple classes in a semester like that, different cities, different faces. I can't be the only guy you randomly ran in to after giving your lecture."  
"Well, that's true, but with this amount of similarities you'd think I'd have at least gotten some clue. Gosh."

She covered her face with her hand, rubbed her face and slowly removed it.

"I feel old."

She laughed and he shyly joined her. He didn't say that he thought she definitely wasn't old in his eyes, that she looked beautiful no matter what her age was, and that he didn't care that she hadn't remembered him. The first two, he didn't say because he was afraid to, the latter he didn't say because it was a lie.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and just put on a brave face for her. Didn't think she noticed the minor tremble in his lips, didn't notice the slight narrowing of her eyes.

"Do you want to do the interrogation together?" She asked.  
"You can do it."  
"You broke the case. You don't want to wrap it up yourself?"  
"I'm fine. I mean it's fine."

Ryan stumbled over his words, and turned red. "Really, you do it."

Calleigh eyed him suspiciously but nodded, grabbing her files and his stack of photos together and holding them in front of her chest, similar to the way she'd held her files the day of the seminar. He didn't know if it was the coincidence that caused it, but he suddenly felt just as nervous as that day, while he normally felt calm and collected around her.

She left the room and he sat in silence until he realized that he was holding in his breath. He breathed out slowly, and pushed his chair backwards as he stood up.

Good God, this woman was going to be the death of him.

* * *

_**A/N: **That would be a terrific ending to this story, Ryan dying of lovesickness. But it's not exactly what I planned, and there's still 14 more chapters to come (dear god, stand by me), so I guess he'll just have to be revived. Please let me know what you thought!_


	10. Tell Her

__

**Title:** Best Day Of My Life (10/23)  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters that might strike you as familiar.  
**Summary:** That it had all started that one day, that was plain to see. But love has never been simple, and with her it certainly wouldn't get any easier. (CaRWash)  
**Chapter summary: **He didn't think he was gonna make it through another day like this.  
**Spoilers:** None.  
**Song:** Jesse McCartney - Tell Her  
**A/N:** My newest multichap, inspired entirely on Jesse McCartney's both current (3rd one's coming up) albums.

So no one knew where the sorting from last chapter came from? Shame on you. It was Recoil.  
Yes, she's back indeed. She just hasn't been writing lately but she got back into things now.  
She presents you: chapter 10!

* * *

_I can't believe her hold on me  
It's something indescribable  
I know she knows, but won't you please  
If you see my girl  
Just tell her I miss her smile  
Tell her I'm counting the minutes  
Gonna see her in a little while  
I know when she  
Holds on to me  
She's the one thing that I could never live without  
Oh, oh, oh, oh  
And tell her I love her_

* * *

He was a mess. While he told himself, kept telling himself that he'd be fine, that he could make it through this, it was having a bigger and bigger impact on him as time went by. And what he was most afraid of had happened: it had affected his job. He was unable to put two and two together when she was in the room, did an outstanding job when he got assigned on a case with Natalia, but missed vital pieces of evidence when Calleigh was processing across the room.

He rationalized himself with Horatio by saying, by lying, that his niece was sick, saved his ass with Eric by saying, by lying, "They're still running tests", when he asked what was wrong with her. Pulled his rank when Natalia suggested him to take a break and get off a case, but couldn't do anything when Stetler pulled _his_ rank and invited him over to talk about how grateful he should be that he got his job back -which, he was kindly reminded, was totally against Stetler's wishes-, and to not screw it up again, unless he wanted to become a full time bodyguard.

And all this time, no word from Calleigh. Normally she'd have been on his doorstep when the first whisper of 'something's up' was heard, now she hadn't showed up despite the scream of 'everything's hell'.

"I don't want to lose my job."  
"Oh baby boy, you need to stop being so into her."  
"Yeah, no problem, I'll just put **all** my feelings on hold while I'm at it, no biggie."

His sarcastic voice echoed through the morgue as he sat on the silver autopsy table, with Alexx nearby signing a file, but being all ears.

"Keep that tone sweetheart, and you'll be getting places."  
"Sorry Alexx." Ryan mumbled shamefully.  
"You're forgiven. I'll blame it on your mixed up feelings."  
"I just, man, I thought it was awkward to work with her while being smitten with her, it's even more awkward to work with her…"  
"While still being smitten with her?" Alexx finished his sentence for him and looked up.  
"Well…yeah, but it's a different kind of smitten. Apparently there's more than one way of being head over heels."

Alexx let out a laugh as Ryan lowered his face down into his hands. He looked like he had gone through everything a man could go through, like the weight of the world was on his shoulders, and his shoulders alone.

"Oh baby, you've still got so much to learn. There's a thousand ways of being head over heels, the trick is to find that one way that works for you."  
"Wow, I hadn't thought of that. Geez, that's so simple."  
"Enough with the attitude already."

Ryan lifted his head from his hands. "Ignore the jerk that's speaking in my place. He's just frustrated and afraid he's going to lose his job."

"Tell him that acting like this is gonna cause him to lose a friend or two."  
"Message has arrived and is duly noted."

He hopped off the table and walked over to where Alexx was sitting, leaning against her desk.

"Is there a way to get over this?"  
"You getting over your love for Calleigh? Not in a million years. There is, however, a way to find the way of being head over heels that works for you."  
"How do I do that?"  
"Well, unfortunately, that's entirely up to you. I can't tell you how to do that, no one can. You just try, and eventually, you just do."  
"Great. You're a doctor; can't you just prescribe me something I can overdose on?"  
"And scare her into loving you, yes, that's an excellent idea."

What Ryan didn't tell her, was that it had worked on him, too. After all, despite the fact that he had loved her for a long time, he'd never really acted on it until he realized she was mortal as well, and could've died that day.

"Yeah, that wouldn't work. But then what do I have to do, Alexx? Stetler is threatening to fire me and all I can think to do something about it is not work with Calleigh."  
"Well then, keep the honor to yourself and quit your job. Solves some problems."  
"Except for the fact that I don't _want_ to quit my job."  
"Then you'll have to live with working with Calleigh."

Ryan sighed, knowing perfectly that this conversation with Alexx was going nowhere. He didn't blame her though, because there was nowhere to go.

"Yeah, thanks for the advice, Alexx. I think my life just got a whole lot easier."  
"You know, Ryan, if you really want me to tell you something that you can work on, it's the only logical thing: talk to her. Honesty is the only thing that can help you, sweetheart."  
"But she knows…"  
"Yes, yes, she knows, you've been clear, but have you ever told her?"  
"I…I wanted to, but she wouldn't let me."

Alexx dropped her face into her hand.

"Oh, God, typical Calleigh. Too afraid to let someone even reach for her. Listen to me Ryan, you have to tell her. Make her listen to you, look her straight in the eye, and tell her. Make sure she can't shrug it off. If she doesn't feel the same, that's a real shame, but you'll have tried. If she does feel the same, this will be the only way to make her confess that."

Ryan sighed and made a face.

"I guess that's my only chance then."  
"It'll be worth it."  
"Yeah it well be. Even if I end up getting transferred."  
"Why would that be worth it?"  
"At least I wouldn't be faced with my failure every day. On the other hand, maybe I actually will…oh never mind."

Alexx chuckled and placed a hand on Ryan's shoulder. You could say that she was having a 'my baby's growing up' moment.

"Don't worry about it baby. Just do what comes natural to you."  
"…I probably shouldn't mention that what I was doing now _is_ what comes natural to me."  
"Indeed you shouldn't. Now get out of here, I've got work to do and I'm sure there's a case somewhere that needs your attention."  
"If I can find my attention, that is." Ryan muttered before leaving the morgue.

He sighed once more, thinking about how life was difficult, how his love life was even more complicated, and how he was ever going to confess his true feelings to Calleigh if she wasn't even allowing him to come near her anymore. If anything, _she_ was making his life ánd his love life complicated.

"I love you. I love you. I _love_ you." He mumbled under his breath.  
"Well, you know I love you too Ryan, but I'd prefer to keep it under the radar for now."

The voice shook Ryan out of his ponderings and he saw Valera walking next to him.

"Maxine! I, no, I'm sorry, I didn't…"  
"Shut it, loverboy. Whomever you were talking to, I don't even wanna know. Can I just pull you out of it long enough to hear me out?"  
"Yes, Valera, go ahead."  
"Good."

She turned to stop dead in her tracks in front of him, and he had to use his reflexes really fast to not crash into her.

"We, as in, the team, as in Delko, Natalia and I, decided we want to go out and get a drink to celebrate that we closed that ridiculous case of the other day. I was just on my way to ask Alexx to join us, but since I'm seeing you here…"  
"Uhh, thanks Max, but uh…"  
"Oh come on, Ryan!"  
"I'm sorry. I just have other plans."  
"Alright. It's your loss."  
"I'll take a rain check, I promise."  
"Fine, fine. See ya later. Hey, Cal!"

Ryan shook his head as Valera took off towards Calleigh, who just turned into the hallway, probably coming from the ballistics' lab. She looked up and her face seemed slightly shocked at Valera's approach.

"Just the one I needed Cal; wanna join us for a drink tonight?"  
"I…"

Calleigh looked over Valera's shoulder and saw Ryan standing down the hall. Her mind making overtime, she figured that Valera had probably just asked him, and she really didn't feel like being around him for the time being.

"I'm sorry Maxine, I…"  
"Have other plans, yeah, yeah." Valera rolled her eyes.  
"I just really need some rest. It'll be a…"  
"Rain check. God, you two are such spoilsports."

Valera walked off with a slightly less chipped face, and Calleigh blinked as she looked at Ryan. He smiled at her and rolled his eyes, and she understood that he had declined Valera's invitation as well. She shrugged and turned around, not intending on letting him notice that a bright smile was now plastered on her face.  


* * *

_**A/N: **CSI:Miami sucks, but the old Ryan still brings a smile to my face. I reflected that onto Calleigh. I promise the next chapter will be up MUCH sooner. Even sooner if you review?_


End file.
